gullybogan

Dear Today Tonight,

Every night, Anna Coren pleads with her audience to send in ideas for stories.

Happy to oblige.

On tonight’s show, you aired a story decrying the shameful standards set by rival network Ten, specifically in a ’smutty’ display during a New Year’s Eve broadcast in which one celebrity allegedly pretended to perform oral sex upon another celebrity, during a piano duet.

Immediately after this, you aired a story (one you had apparently taken straight off the satellite a couple of years ago, with a few dramatic voiceovers added in for ‘localisation’), wherein a McDonalds employee in the United States was conned by a phonecaller pretending to be a police officer into stripping naked and performing actual oral sex upon her manager’s fiance.

Sure, you blurred out the girl’s head while she had it in the man’s lap performing oral sex upon him, presumably to “protect” us viewers, but, since you’d already told us what was going on, this was a bit redundant, don’t you think?

So here is the story suggestion (a number of them, actually)…

1. How about you do a story on the blatant double standards that are at work in the disgraceful nonsense which passes for “investigative journalism” on the two commercial networks that still bother doing such tripe?
2. Or how about a tell-all expose on the partisan name-calling that the Seven network stoops to, just because they were running some third-rate movie on New Year’s Eve, while Ten was taking the trouble to produce live variety television?
3. Better still, how about you do a follow-up story on the sudden spread across Australia of people pretending to be police phoning up fast food stores and conning the staff into stripping naked and submitting to performances of oral sex upon managers’ fiances? You delivered a pretty comprehensive how-to guide on this matter, so it shouldn’t be too long before the phenomenon spreads here.

Thank you for your time, and I hope these suggestions help.

Oh, and one last idea for a story: how come a picture of Anna Coren comes up as a result of the search “orphan brain coren“?

Yours truly,

Gullybogan.