gullybogan

Dear Reader,

Blogs are all over the news at the moment, and for all the right reasons, too.

And when i say “all over the news”, i mean that they’re talking about this on the television and the radio, and on the front cover of both the Herald Sun and the The Age.

Above the fold in the The Age, too! So it’s serious.

See, the unimaginable has happened: some employees have used a blog to criticise their boss.

Political secrets

Seems this couple of hep techno dudes set up this so-called ‘blog’ (it’s a computer thing) to critique the political strategies and general roadworthiness of the leader of the Victorian opposition party.

Of course, we have the freedom to comment on our political leaders in Australia, except, that is, if they happen to be our employer at the time.

And now everyone at the Scotch College Old Collegians Liberal Party HQ is just all hurt and upset, and they’re firing ppl left, right, and… well, just right, actually.

I don’t want to devolve into talking about politics, cos that’s a pretty fricken boring topic, dear Reader. Suffice it to say that their boss is apparently a bit of a wanker, and that was meant to be a secret.

A political secret.

Which is the best kind of secret, so it seems.

Me too

And now everyone at the widget factory is buzzing about getting blogs, so that they can share their ideas, communicate with colleagues, and generally become a more collaborative, ppl-centred workplace.

You know, dear Reader; the usual web two point oh shite you get when business tries to turn something cool into something work, while secretly hoping that the cool will somehow survive, and which it never does.

Happily, the man in charge of making things like blogs available to the widgeteers paused and asked a question.

Audience and Purpose

I recommend this question to anyone in charge of deciding whether or not to implement a blogging environment on their own factory lan. It’s one of those withering questions, designed to destroy one’s resolve, and make one feel hopelessly inadequate. You know, like when a girl asks, “So, is that as big as it gets?”.

The question, dear Reader, is…

But what will you actually write about?

That was yesterday. We move fast at the widget factory, so that we can overcome our competitors and be victorious in the marketplace. Within the space of a day, we’d not only come up with an idea for an innovation, but someone had also come up with a strategy for blocking it.

We were still nursing erections about the blog idea today, though, so the introduce-blogs-gatekeeper announced (i.e. emailed) that everyone was getting a chance to try out what it would be like to have a blogging community at the factory. He told us to write a trial blog post and send it to All Staff, using Outlook on the Exchange server. Not only that, but he told everyone to read at least ten other ppl’s emailed ‘blog posts’ as they landed in their Inboxes, and to reply to at least five, immediately, the moment they came in.

So i happened to have my recipe for Anzac biscuits sitting on a usb drive in my pocket. I emailed that to the entire widget company.

I got two replies, immediately.

I liek Anzak biscuits too. Their yum!

and

My mother used to make ANzac biscuits, but she didnt use coconut. I’ll ring her tonight and tell her your recipe. Thanks, Gullybogan!

So that was encouraging.

I received a total of four trial blog posts from my co-workers, which represents quite a small proportion of our widgeteering workforce.

The rest are still trying to decide what they want to be all collaborative about.

My favourite of the four was the one linking to slideshare.net, and calling it ‘an important resource‘.

So i replied to that.

I said something along the lines of how the slideshow is to blame for everything bad that ever happened in Western Civilisation post the invention of the slideshow, since all decisions are now based on slideshows, and upon their ability to reduce complex ideas down to slides of no more than three bullet points, with no more than seven words per bullet point.

So that was discouraging.

For the person who sent out the trial blog post, that is.

The second favourite one i got was this cranky old bitch who always smells funny, like she dries her clothes on the dashboard of her car. She was bemoaning the fact that ppl spend not enough time working on their computers, and too much time talking to each other and socialising.

*cough* *brown nose* *cough*

If only, she moaned, there was some way to get staff more motivated to spend more time at their computers.

So i emailed her a link to amihotornot, suggesting that it would keep her glued to her screen.

Tomorrow i expect disciplinary action.

Which will be a world record for being disciplined for an inappropriate blog comment, since it predates our actually having a blogging system.

Wish me luck, dear Reader.

Yours,
Gullybogan