gullybogan

Dear Reader,

Was a time, being a gangster’s … um, girlfriend … didn’t always end as glamorously as one might hope.

When one’s career as a gangster’s girlfriend came to an end, dear Reader, one as often as not ended up looking much the worse for wear.

Take Bonnie Parker, of Bonnie & Clyde fame, for example.

Today, happily, the young woman who everyone seems to like to think of as some sort of gangster’s girlfriend, Zarah Garde-Wilson, escaped what might have been the end of her highly illustrious and highly illustrated career.

No, she didn’t crawl from underneath a bullet-riddled Ford V8, a smoking Tommy gun in her hands, screaming, “Come and get me, coppers!”.

Not Our Zarah.

She is nothing at all like Bonnie. There was no cross-country bank-robbing, murderous spree for Our Zarah.

She’s just a girl who, it seems in hindsight, kept some peculiar company for a worker in the law.

There were charges she had to face, related to a gun, allegedly owned by her slain former boyfriend, the alleged gangster, Lewis Caine.

But it seems the informer who allegedly ratted her out allegedly decided that he couldn’t actually allegedly identify her alleged voice on a recording that allegedly featured two ppl speaking on it: himself and Zarah Garde-Wilson [alleged], discussing the alleged whereabouts of the alleged gun in question.

As a result of this informer’s collapse of confidence in his voice-identifying abilities, Our Zarah walked out of a court room today, with the four career-threatening charges against her dropped.

Which works out very well for Our Zarah.

She’s now free to go on Big Brother.

If she wants.

And why wouldn’t she?

Like Corey, Big Brother would seem to be the next logical step for Our Zarah, while she’s waiting for the Legal Services Board to give her back the keys to her licence to practice law.

In fact, in some ways, the Big Brother thing could be seen as coming a bit late.

She’s already been called a bogan, already appeared in ‘raunchy’ photos in GQ magazine, already been in a soap opera (albeit as someone else playing her, in Underbelly), and we’ve seen her in a bikini under the shower.

Oh, yes, dear Reader. That photo of Zarah Garde-Wilson in a bikini has finally resurfaced. Thank you, the Herald-Sun.

And she has the goods for Big Brother, i reckon.

So far this year, the Housemates have experienced little day trips into the New Age, having to undergo hypnosis, live in a kombi van, and inhabit a sort of bizarre-o world where weird things happen all the time. I figure that Our Zarah’s skill in talking with the spirits is just the thing to shake up the House™.

Oh, yes. Our Zarah speaks with the spirits.

They help her solve crimes. A bit like Scooby Doo, but in a completely different way. The exact opposite way, in fact.

They reveal to her details of crimes that have been committed, the location of guns, and so forth.

Frightfully helpful, these spirits.

And there’s no cowardly great danes with windmilling legs involved at all.

I reckon that with the help of those obliging spirits, and Our Zarah in that black bikini of hers, Big Brother might just survive another year, and not end up on a slab like Bonnie & Clyde.

So, dear Reader, SMS ‘ZARAH’ to 19 10 10 to vote Our Zarah into the house. Vote early, and vote often.

Yours,
Gullybogan