gullybogan

Dear Reader,

You are aware as i am, if you are lucky enough to be an Australian citizen, that four drinks in a day constitutes binge-drinking.

That’s official government policy, and cannot be argued with.

Now, we all know how much fun binge-drinking is. It allows your friends and colleagues to get in touch with you in a particularly close, even intimate, way. Also, if you’re a girl, being drunk almost always results in pictures of you naked immediately appearing on the interweb, which is terrific fun, you’ll agree.

But all of this is well and truly in keeping with the Australian Way of Life©, and our highly prized and unique Australian Values™.

The thing that seriously confronts us, though, dear Reader, is binge-thinking.

You know. When you have more than four thoughts in a day.

I try to keep myself below the limit, but sometimes i really let myself go.

Then i can be found, sitting in a corner, my eyes glazed over, all manner of ideas floating through my fevered brain.

Sometimes, i even mix reading with thinking.

Well, technically, i find that reading can often lead on to the harder vice of thinking.

I’ve tried watching TV to quell these binge-thinking urges, but it’s just not working for me.

Not even Big Brother.

I was watching Big Brother last night, and it occurred to me to think about how magnets work.

I mean, i know how they operate, but how do they actually work?

See? That was a thought, right there.

Another three, and i’m a binge-thinker.

And, as a proud bogan and even prouder Australian, i’m not sure i want that stigma on my conscience.

Happily i have a government that can simplify things down for me into the language of self-help novels and advertising.

If i try really hard, i might never have to think ever again.

Like, i know that i don’t have to worry about the causes of binge-thinking, just the number three, which is an easy number to remember. When i get to three, i have to stop, which is also easy to remember.

I also know that i don’t have to do anything about the underlying causes of binge-thinking, or the social costs, or any of that claptrap, i just have to make sure i stop at three thoughts a day.

And that way, everything will be good.

And nice.

And … good.

I beg to remain, dear Reader,
your humble correspondent,
Gullybogan